Oh June

In two weeks I am going to see Virginia.

Im so excited.
Nervous.
Elated.
Worried.

I just wanna hold his hand and kiss him on the lips.

I dont know what is going to happen when I get there and we are face to face.

Maybe we'll hate each other. But I doubt that.

He is amazing.
If I had written a book before I met him that was filled with everything I thought I wanted a man to say to me, well this man would make that book obsolete in first week that i meet him.

Its crazy to think things will be perfect
I dont expect that at all,
but I am sure that they will be beautiful.
Thats all anyone can ever ask for.. a little beauty.

Doubts

Today I am doubting myself a lot. This comes as no surprise considering what day it is..... SUNDAY!

Oh Sunday how i loath you.

Last night my best friend told me I'm too self-conscious.
I guess that's true because when he said that I was "too" something it hurt my feelings a little.

I do worry about what i look like but i think everyone does.

Who out there is completely confident with every aspect of their being.

Some days I feel completely beautiful
other days I feel too fat, too tan, and too normal... with maybe a ting of too stupid sprinkled on top.

But who doesnt feel like that sometimes? I dont think its a big tragedy that this one day Im not sure about ME.
Its just something I want to say. That I need to remember.
I dont have to be perfect and I shouldnt try to be that way either.

So fuck you Sunday. Until next week my friend.

ok ok

my last post was so cry baby ish.

Its been less than an hour and already i feel better.

thank you lord for all the many blessing in my life.

who knows why

I have about 100 words in my mind but none I can speak.

I want to be reckless.

I want to be perfect.

I wanna be finished with school and make my family proud.

I want my own family.

I want to run away.

I wanna cry and not feel guilty about it.

I wanna kiss the face of my creator.

Im just a girl with dreams I'm too afraid to go after because I may fail.

Oh how I hate you SUNDAY! You always do this to me.

Spin me around and turn me inside out.

I've been taking a lot of pictures of myself lately.

I'm starting to realize I'm pretty.

It makes me sick to my stomach.

Did this just happen? and why?

I don't want to be this.

I'm the girl the makes you laugh not the pretty one.

upset

A rant about love by Sara Ewing

Okay so Ive drank a bit today and feel the need to relieve myself of some things that bother me through a beautiful rant.

I cant stand these people who are always breaking up and getting back together.
You all see it too.

On facebook book for example.

Marykate is single

Marykate is in a relationship with John Smith

Marykate is single

Marykate is in a relationship with John Smith.

okay so that was a little much but you get my point.

After breaking something so many times there is not going to be a way to fix it.

I have this vintage purse that I love. But its delicate and Im rough on it. I keep finding tears in it so i fix them with glue and thread but I continue to do the same things with it. The tears continue and I keep adding glue. before long the glue wont be enough. I know this and Im okay with it because its just a thing. Its not a relationship. Its not "love".

In closing, in my drunken state, in my ignorance, i say why? Why be in a relationship that is so fickle? in a relationship that makes you cry?

June

Dear June,


You are that first pair of shoes that I tied on my own.


The book with folded corners and coffee stains,


The lipstick on my teeth.


You are the song I do my special dance to.


You are my special dance.


I know you like i know the hobo outside of E-Z-Mart.


I treasure you like I treasure my first whiff of

honeysuckles in the spring.


I fear you.


I like fear.

Spring Break

This spring break was pretty great.

I took a break from not drinking just for the week.

Went to the Tavern for their soft opening and ate some yummy food.

Learned a new way to high five.

Slept in.

Had drinks poured in my mouth while I laid back.

Went to a good show at WWT and danced like a funky chicken.

The best part was meeting Virginia.

Thanks Virginia.