ok ok

my last post was so cry baby ish.

Its been less than an hour and already i feel better.

thank you lord for all the many blessing in my life.

who knows why

I have about 100 words in my mind but none I can speak.

I want to be reckless.

I want to be perfect.

I wanna be finished with school and make my family proud.

I want my own family.

I want to run away.

I wanna cry and not feel guilty about it.

I wanna kiss the face of my creator.

Im just a girl with dreams I'm too afraid to go after because I may fail.

Oh how I hate you SUNDAY! You always do this to me.

Spin me around and turn me inside out.

I've been taking a lot of pictures of myself lately.

I'm starting to realize I'm pretty.

It makes me sick to my stomach.

Did this just happen? and why?

I don't want to be this.

I'm the girl the makes you laugh not the pretty one.

upset

A rant about love by Sara Ewing

Okay so Ive drank a bit today and feel the need to relieve myself of some things that bother me through a beautiful rant.

I cant stand these people who are always breaking up and getting back together.
You all see it too.

On facebook book for example.

Marykate is single

Marykate is in a relationship with John Smith

Marykate is single

Marykate is in a relationship with John Smith.

okay so that was a little much but you get my point.

After breaking something so many times there is not going to be a way to fix it.

I have this vintage purse that I love. But its delicate and Im rough on it. I keep finding tears in it so i fix them with glue and thread but I continue to do the same things with it. The tears continue and I keep adding glue. before long the glue wont be enough. I know this and Im okay with it because its just a thing. Its not a relationship. Its not "love".

In closing, in my drunken state, in my ignorance, i say why? Why be in a relationship that is so fickle? in a relationship that makes you cry?

June

Dear June,


You are that first pair of shoes that I tied on my own.


The book with folded corners and coffee stains,


The lipstick on my teeth.


You are the song I do my special dance to.


You are my special dance.


I know you like i know the hobo outside of E-Z-Mart.


I treasure you like I treasure my first whiff of

honeysuckles in the spring.


I fear you.


I like fear.