Spring Break

This spring break was pretty great.

I took a break from not drinking just for the week.

Went to the Tavern for their soft opening and ate some yummy food.

Learned a new way to high five.

Slept in.

Had drinks poured in my mouth while I laid back.

Went to a good show at WWT and danced like a funky chicken.

The best part was meeting Virginia.

Thanks Virginia.

Fortune

The other day I felt depressed and then in the corner of my messy living room I saw a lonely scrap of paper from a fortune cookie.

It was alone and forgotten, like I sometimes feel, so I decided this fortune was going to make me feel better.

So i read this "Every person is the creation of himself, the image of his own thinking and believing"

So i got to thinking about how i was the one deciding to be upset and then I started feeling better.

Thank you God.

Here's a crazy thought

How about we all be honest.

All these lies are draining me.

Stop lying to me.

New DAYZ

Not drinking has brought so much positive to my life.


I really do feel so much better. I FEEL everything now.


But let me say this, because "this" is important, it's NOT easy.


At times going without alcohol feels like breathing


Then other times it feels like I'm trying to swallow nails


I think about how easy it would be to make that feeling go away.


Maybe a 6pack and a few shots, or a couple whiskey and diet cokes..


And then bam feeling gone.


All feelings just gone.


My high points are so good.


But my low points are equivalent to me being stuck in a pit with sand or rock or mud or hell maybe


even cow shit, piled on top of me and only the very tips of my index fingers are sticking out.


That tiny tip is freedom for me. That tip is hope.


That tip is my life being lived by me and not the stranger that steals my body when I've had too


much to drink.


So excuse me while i don't partake in drinking with you lonely man and hippy dirty girl or even you


handsome gentleman.


I would rather be covered up with shit in this pit with only a bit of fingers sticking out than give up a


second more of feeling every bit of my life.

Shreve

So a important ring of mine was flushed down the toilet this week.
This ring was given to me by someone I loved.
It's kinda great that it happened though.
Its as if God is forcing me to let go of this person. (thank you God)

i went on a day trip to Shreveport LA this weekend with my newest friend Leslie.

Shreveport it's self sucked

The "famous strawns pie" = yuck

The thrift stores = over priced and ugly

The boardwalk = had a dress barn!!!!!

time with Leslie = pretty amazing

driving my new car = fancy

the out door mural = wow!!

artspace = fun

I did find a nifty spoon ring to replace the ring I lost last week.

Something Ive realized; lots of people that i love do some pretty horrible drugs and hide it from me.

That's a big drawl back of being sober... you never really know who you are hanging out with b/c they lie to you about the bad things they do.

Who are you people??

New Letter

Today I got an email from the guy that I dated when I first started this blog. In the email he describes me as something quite wonderful and praises my beauty.

I do not feel all that wonderful or beautiful In fact I want to get a job as a server but I worry that Im not smart or pretty enough.

He is truly amazing. But just not for me in a romantic sense and Im okay with that. I love his friendship.

However that doesn't matter. He is taking his friendship away from me again because he cant honestly be okay with just being my friend.

Here is a quote from the email he sent me;

"I'd give up the camera and the bottle just to stand next to you, shitty music or not, and for why I can't quite explain. Take this, and the other letters, and still it's only a fraction of explanation of why I love you."


I knew this was coming. I knew I was about to lose my friend to this evil bitch called love. Love does not conqueror all.. it ruins it

WHHHHAAAAT

What the hell.

So the guy I was dating a few months ago and thought was gay came out of the closet a few days ago........... Yeah I dated a gay guy. I kissed him, and fucked and sucked him. I missed him and wondered why he didnt care about me. I know that has to be a hard thing to handle but excuse me for a half second while I be pissed off that I was lied to and used as his show girlfriend. I have been laughing about it but God.